BMB: Believe My Butter
by KarinMaaka07
Summary: Mia weighed the pros and cons; On one hand, a possible Shounen ai character. On the other, Mafia boss to be. Both weren't so bad. "Whatever happens -happens. I will accept it with open arms and high anxiety." Or, in which-case, Mia doesn't swear to go on a revenge hunt and just lives life to the fullest while taking names and shooting down egos.
1. Excuse me, McBitch

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! Or the characters.

*If the other characters seem OOC than I'm truly sorry.*

SI!Tsuna || Crack Fic

Mia not giving a single fuck or too many

** _ **(Speaking)**_ = Hyper Intuition

* * *

 **Excuse me, McBitch**

Waking up after getting rammed over by a very fast truck wasn't normal. Waking up to realize that you were no longer yourself -if those memories were any indication- was also not considered normal. Shouldn't they be screaming at the top of their lungs? Maybe. Were they going to? Probably not. Giving a huff, they sat up, wincing at the pins and needle sensation throughout their body.

Toes wiggling under the blanket, they stared for a moment before a familiar feeling came over. The brunette squinted at nothing, looking far too serious for what Mia hissed out. " _I gotta piss._ " Giving her toes one more wiggle, the woman threw the blankets off them and tossed themselves off the bed.

When needing to take a massive piss, logic and common sense are thrown out the window. So, with a strangled yelp, she hit the floor wonderfully. There was a low grumble and even more that followed as she dragged herself to the bathroom.

Fighting against the urge to just pee there and feel relieved, the woman pulled herself off the floor and threw the door open, gasping from the lack of strength. Seeing the toilet in reach, she dragged herself like a man on a mission. Sluggishly making it onto the seat, the woman pulled the hospital gown away from the seat, in order for it to not go in.

There was sweet relief in a matter seconds. A satisfied sigh escaped her as she continued to do her business, the slightly satisfied smile slowly turned into a frown. Eyes slowly going down to her lap, the woman lifted up her gown and looked down at the _thing_ in between her legs. Mia stayed quiet for a moment, squinted her eyes at it and even tilted her head.

Now, don't get her wrong, Mia has seen dicks here and there. The first two from her relationships and the last twenty from unwanted dick pics -either way, she's seen them and knew how they look and what their common size were. So excuse her for being slightly put off -not from disappoint- with what she's looking at. "Big things _do_ come in small packages, I guess." Mia murmured, voice coming out in rasps that made her nose scrunched up.

God she needed a cup of water.

Making sure the toilet was flushed before getting up -and standing on jelly like legs- she spared another look down at her covered legs -and now his new equipment. "I'm gonna call you McFrick Jr." With that said, the woman went towards the sink to rinse her hands. Once that little task was done, Mia looked at her reflection. Turning her head this way and that, the woman turned boy did the finger guns to the mirror. "Nice."

Giving her - _his_ \- reflection a wink, Mia went back to looking at it. Untamable hair that defies gravity? Check. A feminine looking face? Check. Skin that looks like porcelain -although it was probably from being in the hospital for so long- and was soft to the touch? Check.

The newly made boy gave a gasp, a hand on their chest as they looked into the mirror and whispered aloud. "I'm a main character for a shounen ai story." Not that there wasn't anything wrong with that. But he would love to get used to his new body and male pronouns before even thinking about dating anyone.

Mia blinked as the idea settled in before giving her- _his_ reflection the stink eye. "Wait a minute, I know this face. Shounen ai material or not, that doesn't seem right." Humming and rubbing the bottom of his chin, thinking it once more. There were a lot of anime and cartoon characters she knew that fit into the appearance. But even then, there was some difference between all of them.

Story plot and character growth were normally what stuck out, not their appearance. Okay that was a lie, character's appearance did stick out most of the time but that didn't matter right now. Mia knew this damn face, there was no way they could forget it, not reading it in years or so be damned.

It took her a while before her mind clicked in place, face twisting to make the strangest face that only one character to pull solidified he- _his_ thoughts. "I'm fucking Tsuna."

With the realization now unavoidable, Mia -or would he now have to call himself Tsuna?- weighed the pros and cons. Pros; become a badass boss, have very handsome men -well, boys but they'll grow up- surrounding him, and just being a badass in general. Cons; having to fight every time, dealing with unbelievable arguments, having people wanting to kill him, and probably last but not least, _Reborn_.

While Reborn beats the shit out of Tsuna in the original manga -for _'tutoring'_ purpose- Mia wasn't one to just sit and take a bitch slap before giving one in return. Either way, that was a can of worms she - _'for fuck sake, 'he' mind! '_ _ **He**_ _'!_ \- didn't really want to deal with. Still, on one hand, a possible Shounen ai character. On the other, Mafia boss to be.

Both weren't so bad.

"Whatever happens -happens. I will accept it with open arms and high anxiety." Nodding his head to his reflection, the boy tried to leave the bathroom. _Tried_. Face planted on the floor, Mia -Tsuna groaned. "Welp, looks like I'm going to have to drag my sorry ass back to the bed."

It took far longer than when it had taken him to get to the bathroom; groaning as he managed to get his upper body onto the bed. "Note to self: get ripped as fuck. And _fast_." Pulling himself up with shaky arms, Tsuna swung his leg onto the edge and pulled once more. Groaning in sweet bliss of having the comfort of the bed under his body, Tsuna almost fell back asleep.

Almost.

The thought of why his body ached so much lingered in his mind. He knew that the original Tsuna was dead. Had committed suicide -that left a bitter taste in her mouth. For all the things she said earlier on, it was only to make her not upset. People who commit suicide aren't given justice. Children who follow in step of that direction are always mourned with people who dare say that it wasn't right for them to do so.

If that were the case, then they should look for the signs. Not give empty words of condolence. Not push them to the brink. Not when said person feels worthless and gives into those who bullied them.

Mia won't lie. She's had her fair shares of depression, bullying, and the like. But living -seeing the next day- was the biggest ' _Fuck You_ ' to her bullies. Mia was a bitter child because of that but she would rather live and piss them off before bowing to their wills.

A shame that, even with her determination to live, her mother took that away. What Mia's father saw in that woman, she would never know. But, that thought frame was for another time; back to Tsuna. He had no one to support him, not even his own mother. Mia, if anything, always cherished life and hated those who put down others to feel better.

Seeing those memories, it made her furious. Had she been alive in this world, then she wouldn't have hesitated to save Tsuna. Be his older-sister figure even. It was too late to think of such things though, now that Mia was living with his body.

That was most strangest concept, if Mia did say so herself. Shuddering from the sweat and cold air, Tsuna shuffled under the blankets. How was he going to live like this? Yeah, sure, it sounds like fun. But how would others react?

How would Tsuna's mother react? Giving a mental shrug, Tsuna let his eyes close. He couldn't pretend to be Tsuna, because he wasn't. A split decision was made before he let darkness consume.

Whatever happens.

Happens.

* * *

 **AN: This is mainly for those who want to continue reading BmB but _don't_ want it to turn dark, here you go. A fic that's all crack and humor. Enjoy**


	2. Screams All Around

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! Or the characters.

*If the other characters seem OOC than I'm truly sorry.*

SI!Tsuna || Crack Fic

Mia not giving a single fuck or a tad too many

** _ **(Speaking)**_ = Hyper Intuition

 **AN:** [ _Sorry for not updating, I've had a major writers block and had been_ _ **slowly**_ _adding onto this. I hope you guys enjoy it!_ ]

* * *

Waking up in the hospital bed, Mia cringed. _'So I wasn't dreaming all of this stuff up last night?'_ Now being more awake and not so delusional, the teenage boy -and wasn't _that_ something to get used to?- sat up and looked around once more. She hadn't noticed a few things. Like the lack of clipboard at the end of her bed.

Not to mention, the tag that was wrapped around her right big toe. Blinking at the tag, Mia sat up in bed, crossing her legs to see it. After a minute or so of struggling to get it off, the woman-now-boy grumbled under her breath as it was crumbled up. "Now, what do we have here?"

 _ **[ Name**_ _: Sawada Tsunayoshi;_ _ **DOB**_ _: 10/14;_ _ **Gender:**_ _male;_ _ **Age**_ _: 12;_ _ **Blood Type**_ _: A;_ _ **Height**_ _: 147 cm;_ _ **Weight**_ _: 45.6 kg;  
_ _ **Cause of death**_ _: Self inflicted wound - loss of blood._

 _ **Time of death**_ _: 09:54 pm ]_

Mia took the tag in both hands and tore it up. Having the shreds of paper on her lap, the brunette stared at nothing. Self inflicted- a knife then? Mindlessly, she brought a hand towards her stomach and rubbed it gently. Yeah, there was no doubt in her mind that she had a scar there. Did she want to look at it?

No, not really.

It wasn't that she didn't want to see it, she just couldn't bring herself to do so. There were still some lingering feelings that belonged to the boy that refused to go away. Loneliness, despair, self-hatred. The list can go on but those were the main three that were easy to distinguish. Mentally sighing at physical and emotional scarring, the woman fiddled with the blanket.

What was she going to do now? The idea of walking around and checking out the hospital was something she wanted to do, but with this body right now, that was nearly impossible. Mia rubbed her nose, _'Yeah, definitely not going to throw myself off the bed again.'_ she would openly admit, that was the most stupidest thing she could have done.

Sighing to herself, Mia propped her pillow up, deciding to lean back on it. She had no phone in her room to call a nurse, or a button thing like they would have connected to the bed. Then again, even if she did, what could she say? _'Hello? Yes, I was dead a while ago and now I'm awake can I have some food? Thanks.'_ mia snorted at the possible scene it would cause.

Absentmindedly rubbing her stomach, the 'boy' zoned out, feel her stomach growl under her hand. The feeling made the scar even more noticeable, even though Mia tried to ignore it. It was a stinging like sensation and she wasn't sure if she would get used to it. She blinked. _'Now that I'm actually not doing anything, I can feel sore. I must have pushed this body a bit too much yesterday.'_

Giving a shrug to herself, she turned her attention to the window near her bed and stared outside. It looked like a nice day out. Bright blue sky, hardly a cloud in sight, and by the looks of it, a nice breeze was going by. Mia frowned; she would rather be out there than in this stuffy room. Feeling and hearing her stomach growl once more, the brunet just sighed; she would have to wait until someone came by her room.

It shouldn't take too long, right?

* * *

She was really beginning to hate this hospital _and_ their staff. Mia would perk up at every muffled voice that would go by her room, gossiping like no tomorrow only to deflate as the voices faded away. The 'boy' didn't know how long she was sitting there in her bed, she just knew that she went to the bathroom twice and was stuck staring out the window.

If the sun's position indicated it was well into the afternoon, and she was _fucking hungry._ Her stomach might as well have been eating itself away. _'The moment I get out and they send a survey of their hospitality, I'm going to give them the most_ _ **lowest**_ _rating I can give.'_ Mia thought to herself.

She tapped on the metal railing on her bed, huffing in growing frustration. _'But then again, Tsuna was marked as dead. They wouldn't have any reason as to come into a room with a dead body.'_ Mia's thoughts came to a halt, that didn't make sense.

Why was Tsuna's body left in a room and not in a morgue? Her nose scrunched up, that was not only unsanitary but it was also a show of carelessness. Did they care so little about other patients and the boy who died? Better yet, what about the boys mother? Why hasn't she said anything?

Why didn't she come marching in and make a scene at the disrespect for her son? Why didn't she even _show up_? Was she even informed about the child's death?

 _'Well, that's a_ s _tupid thought, every parent is notified when their child is harmed or killed.'_ Mia frowned at her thoughts, because, if that was still a universal thing, then why hasn't she see Tsuna's mother? Her nose scrunched up, she didn't really want to think about this. Not yet, at least.

Her stomach was top priority. Mia looked around her bare room, hoping to find _something_ that she could use. A little bit of noise when someone walks by would be enough to get someone's attention, right?

She didn't know how long she was looking for something, but it was enough for her to start gritting her teeth _and_ get a headache from the lack of food. Mia could _hear_ the shuffling and chattering outside her door.

In a slight of blind frustration, Mia grabbed the empty porcelain vase by her bed and threw it with as much force as she could. It wasn't much, the vase only flew about three feet from her bed, but it made the noise she desperately wanted.

It broke into pieces, she could only huff as the noise outside stopped abruptly. _'About fucking time.'_ Mia thought as footsteps came closer to her door. As the door opened, Mia momentarily panicked. After all, Tsuna was declared dead, and her sitting up in bed would cause chaos.

Mia didn't get to think much on her actions and possibilities as two nurses came in. One highly focused on the broken vase on the floor and the other one staring at her in horror. She stared back with a blank expression, internally screaming at her stupid rash choices, before settling on waving at the nurse.

Said woman screamed bloody murder, startling her fellow nurse, whom joined in on the screaming not even a few seconds later. Mia wasn't sure what to do, so she sat on the bed awkwardly, hand still up in the air as she continued to watch them scream with a blank face.

The screaming obviously got attention as a doctor and another nurse came running into the room. Mia looked over to them, slightly expecting the same reaction; she was not disappointed.

Although, it seemed like the doctor was more composed, as he had just yelped and clutched his chest in shock. Mia desperately hoped he wasn't having a heart attack, she didn't want to be stuck with three screaming nurses.

' _My poor, new ears.'_ Mia cringed, finally moving her hand up to her ear and rubbed it tentatively. The movement was watched with intense focus and horror. She was glad to see ( most importantly _hear_ ) that the nurses were calming down and they were just gasping for air.

There was nothing but silence in the room as they continued to watch her. Slowly, not wanting to startle them once again, she placed her hand down and onto her lap. They watched, never moving from their spot. "...hi?" Mia greeted nervously. The nurse who had started the screaming fest dropped in a dead faint.

Well, this was a great start.

* * *

Mia slowly chewed on the ( _absolutely, bland and gross_ ) hospital food. She had to spend two hours answering questions and another two with tests. It was obvious that she couldn't act like the real Tsuna, so they marked it down as her blocking out her memories from a traumatic experience. Mia wasn't complaining about it, it helped her in the long run.

She was going to be able to be herself and not force to act like someone else. And, while she felt guilty about it, Mia would try to live her new life to the fullest. To the point that maybe, these lingering emotions from Tsuna, would go away.

Mia wasn't going to hold her breath, if she was being honest. Her mind drifted off to the questions, frowning as she stabbed her food with the plastic fork. Her… "mother" was a little _odd_ , to say it lightly.

Mia had been with the doctor when he had called the woman, having the phone on speaker as he revealed the news that her deceased boy was alive, but his memory was gone. It had been silent for a total of two minutes before a voice chirped back, _"That just means Tsu-Kun and I have to make some! Even better than the last!"_

She had watched the doctor stutter out when he would be allowed visitors and when he could be released, obviously as disturbed by the woman's reply. Not that Mia can blame the man, even she found it odd. Wouldn't a mother start bawling the moment that their child came back to life?

Mia will have to think about that another day, for now, she'll have to focus on getting her strength back. "Wait, does that mean I have to go to therapy?" She asked herself. When nothing answered her, Mia just groaned in despair.


End file.
